I wrote the exerpt below last summer, during my final trip for a job I loved but decided to leave to be home with my daughter:
Not many people in this country know what it's like to surrounded by food but STARVING. Maybe a missed meal here or there. Well, living gluten and dairy free, and needing to travel for work, has meant I'm forced to go for periods of time underfed, all while being offered pounds and pounds of free pastries, bagels, muffins, cookies, you name it. I usually lose 5 pounds every time I travel overnight for work. This may sound great, but not when I don't want to lose weight, like right now. I'm still nursing my hungry toddler so my calorie demands are high. I'm at a 6 day long conference, it's only day 2 and I'm already starving. The only whole grain I had yesterday was a bowl of cereal in the morning - sorghum and flax. I had a salad for lunch, and chicken and corn for dinner. Is corn a whole grain?
I realized yesterday I didn't pack enough food. There's always a balance. I want just the right amount so I don't have to bring any home. But since I don't have enough, I'm trying, struggling to ration my cereal, almond and soy milk, and protein bars. I almost started to cry today, waiting for lunch. I was so hungry, and then, when it came, I knew it wouldn't fill me up at all. It was just GF noodles and tomato sauce. Going without dairy is the hardest thing. I'm about to throw in the towel, but it's a lose-lose situation. Either I follow my diet and I'm hungry, or I cheat and eat dairy and feel better for a few hours, only to suffer a crippling stomach ache later. My only consolation is that I probably could afford to lose the few pounds I'd gained while pregnant. I'm wearing black, but for some reason they make me look huge. Yet, I'd prefer not to lose weight because I'm trying to increase my muscle mass instead.
Before I cut out gluten and dairy, it wasn't easy for me to maintain my weight, but I could do it by eating a lot of salads. Now, it's almost too easy.
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